Loving Yourself
by Aria6
Summary: Archer is unconscious and dying. Mana transfer is required but there will be an aftermath. How will they cope? Only time will tell. EMIYA/Shirou
1. Chapter 1

_What happened?_

Archer opened his eyes to see a blur of colors. His vision gradually resolved and he blinked as he realized it was ceiling? Moving his head hurt but despite the strained muscles, Emiya managed to look around. The Tohsaka mansion. Someone had brought him home.

"How am I alive?" Archer murmured, reaching under the blankets to run a hand over his chest. There were three wounds, all of them barely healed. But they were healed which was a miracle. No. No, this wasn't a miracle. "…Shit!" Emiya growled as he considered the only way those wounds could have been healed. How could she?!

"Archer, you're awake!" The object of his ire walked into the room. She seemed completely cheerful, to his further rage.

"Rin," Archer said, his voice as cold as the arctic wind. She looked very surprised at his tone, her innocent eyes so wide. That only fueled his anger. "How could you have done this?"

"Done what?" The false protestation of innocence made his throat clog for a moment and his hands fisted in the blankets. This. Was. Wrong!

"I thought better of you. Will you do anything for the Grail?" Archer snapped and saw utter confusion on her face. "And stop it! Stop lying to me and denying what you have done!" That was just insulting. Did she think he wouldn't know? Saber poked her head inside, looking at him wide-eyed before suddenly vanishing.

"I don't understand!" Rin protested and Archer ground his teeth together before resorting to cruder language.

"Will you whore yourself out for the Grail? Have you no self-respect?" Emiya snarled and saw her eyes become even wider. "I would have preferred to die than soil you this way!" Having sex with his unconscious body… Archer wanted to scream. Tears were filling Rin's eyes now.

"Stop it! I haven't had sex with anyone! Archer, stop it!" LIAR! Archer was about to shout at her when the door abruptly burst open and his younger self ran into the room.

"It was me!" What? Archer and Rin both stared as Shirou shouted. Were there tears building in his eyes? "Stop yelling at Rin! It was me, I did it and I'm SORRY Archer! I'm sorry but Saber said your mana core was pierced and you needed so I… I'm sorry!" Shirou collapsed by the side of his bed, putting his arms on the blankets before resting his head in them. More mumbled 'I'm sorries' and some heavy sobbing… Archer blinked, trying to reboot his brain. That was… was… more wrong yet less wrong… somehow…

"Archer, you should apologize." That was Saber, she'd entered the room and was looking at him with stern eyes. Rin was just confused. "You – " Archer held up a hand to her before looking at Shirou, a crying, mumbling mess. Then he gently rested a hand on that head.

"It's fine Shirou," Archer said gently, patting his head. Shirou just sobbed a little harder. "I'm not angry with you. Please, it's fine." Oddly enough, it was. Shirou lifted his head then, his face wet with tears.

"How can you not be… I _raped_ you Archer!" Emiya heard Rin's confused gasp and Saber's voice quietly explaining but paid them no mind. What mattered was Shirou. "Why are you not angry with me when you were so mad at Rin?" …Ah.

"Shirou, I was never angry for myself. I was angry because I believed Rin had sacrificed her virginity to a man she does not care for, to continue her quest for the Grail," Archer explained and heard a strange sound from Rin. Would he be paying for this later? Quite likely. "That she would soil herself with my body for power enraged me." Archer paused before taking a breath and wincing. Mana transfer or not, he was far from healed. "You, however, are a rival master. By any logic you should have allowed me to die. Then Rin would have been removed from the game, giving you a cleaner field. So what would have seemed unclean from Rin is, from you, an act of self-sacrifice." Archer gave the young man beside him a small smile. "Thank you."

"I… you don't mind that I…?" A blush was spreading over Shirou's cheeks and Archer sighed, reaching up to rub his forehead.

"I'll think about that later." Much later. Really, 'go fuck yourself' was only supposed to be an expression, how the hell? Ugh, he was too tired for this. "Right now I need to rest. You may have given me enough mana to mend my core, but…" Archer twitched down the blanket a little, letting them see the livid marks.

"Oh, let me help!" Rin was there then, giving him a mana feed in a more appropriate manner. "Although we're going to talk about this later Archer. How could you even think I would do that!" she said through gritted teeth and Archer couldn't help but chuckle. Ah, Rin was adorable when she was upset. Ah, but he was so tired. Archer smiled at her, feeling deeply comforted by the mana replenishment. Settling deeper into his blankets, he closed his eyes.

Very soon, Archer drifted into a deep and restful sleep.


	2. Conflicted Feelings

The next day, Archer sat on the roof and quietly thought as he gazed over the city.

 _I'm not sure how I feel about this,_ Archer thought to himself. The fact that he'd had sex with another man did not bother him. After so long as a counter-guardian – how long had it been? It felt like forever – such things meant very little. Technically it had been rape since no consent had been involved. However, Archer was not willing to consider it such. For one, without the mana transfer he would have died. Two, Archer preferred to be honest with himself and he could recognize the signs of post coital relaxation. Sighing, he rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. _Am I upset that I can't remember it?_ Yes, that was part of his mixed up feelings. Fucking himself was an unbelievably rare event, he should at least recall it.

The relaxation and pleasant ache, though, told Archer that his body had enjoyed it. Crossing his ankles, he considered that. It was awkward, given that he still fully intended to kill Shirou. This new level of connection between them was not something Archer needed. Yet, he'd been given no choice in the matter. So what to do now?

Archer was not remotely surprised when someone sat down beside him on the edge of the roof.

"Archer, um…" Archer just patiently waited, wondering what Shirou had to say. "I'm really sorry." The words sounded choked and Archer looked at his younger self. He was staring at his hands, guilt written all over his face.

"There is nothing to be sorry for. Intentions are not everything but they are something and yours were purely good," Archer said before resting a hand on Shirou's shoulder. _Unlike my own._ That thought sent a twinge through him but Archer pushed it aside. Shirou looked away.

"I don't understand how you can be so calm about this!" The young man burst out. "I wish you would yell at me," Shirou admitted in an undertone and Archer's lips twisted in a wry smile. After so long with nothing but his own thoughts for company he understood how his own mind worked quite well.

"You want me to yell at you? To scream and rave and reassure you that I have no interest in you, so you do not have to confront your own feelings for me?" Archer said, well aware he was playing with fire. Really, he should give Shirou the rant he desired. Shirou was staring at him, his brown eyes wide. "I cannot give you what you desire. I do not hate you and I will not pretend so. You must resolve your feelings on your own." This was stupid, this was very stupid because the obvious way of doing that –

It happened as some part of him had known it would. Shirou's hand gripped the back of his head and Archer found himself pulled into a deep and intimate kiss. _Oh yes._ Smooth. Slippery. Delicious. Vaguely, Archer was aware that this had nothing to do with Shirou and everything to do with his simple need for human contact. If Saber or even Rin had come to his bed for simple lust, he would have welcomed them as eagerly. And oddly enough, that was good. If Archer had truly desired to bed himself he might have questioned his own sanity.

They only kissed though. It lasted until they were both breathless and in need of air. When they parted, gasping for breath, Shirou would have said something. But then Archer silenced him with a kiss, continuing what he had begun. Tender, so tender, yet so full of heat. Archer knew that Shirou likely felt quite different than he, his younger self might be infatuated. Well, they would burn that bridge when they came to it.

Shirou's hands played over the sides of his face, so gentle, as if Archer was something precious. He knew otherwise, he was the opposite of precious, but it made him feel… special. How long had it been since someone touched him that way? His last love interest had not been a tender woman…

Setting aside those thoughts – perhaps he would show that to Shirou someday, he'd quite enjoyed it – Archer savored the kiss, deepening it and exploring Shirou's mouth. Their tongues moved together, an intimate ballet. Ah, he was sweet, this innocent version of himself. Then Shirou was tugging on his hair and they parted for air again.

"We need a room," Shirou muttered and Archer chuckled.

"I find this roof is to my taste," he murmured in the younger man's ear, feeling him shiver. "My cloak spread out upon it, my body bared for you to ravish…" Hands clamped down hard on his arms and Archer smiled. He knew that image would get him off.

"Fuck Archer!" Shirou hissed in his ear and Archer gently nibbled and kissed along his throat and jaw. "Oh… my god…" His younger self was definitely losing his mind.

"Let go of me and I'll make that a reality," Archer breathed and felt Shirou's throat move in a swallow before the young man let him go. He promptly began disrobing. The coat really would make a serviceable blanket, he'd used it that way many's the time.

Archer was an expert at stripping down swiftly, oddly enough. He was done long before Shirou and spread his cloak on the surface of the roof before arranging himself invitingly. Archer smiled as a few fond memories passed through his mind. Sex was not a common thing but it did happen sometimes. Who was the last person to join him on this cloak? Hmm, probably Cu Chulainne. Pity the Hound of Ulster couldn't remember.

Shirou paused in his stripping to look at him, wide-eyed. Ah, such innocent lust, beautifully forthright and simple. Archer decided to make it worse, running a hand slowly over his erection. He half-closed his eyes, watching Shirou through his eyelashes. Archer rarely played the tempter but he was in the mood for it today… he heard a breathy exclamation and Shirou was hastily disrobing. What kind of hard-on did the teenager have for him? Archer smiled at the thought. It felt good to be desired.

Soon enough Shirou joined him on his coat and they kissed again, bodies rubbing together in a very pleasant way. Quite the erection Shirou had. Was he that big? Archer realized as soon as he thought it that it was idiotic, it wasn't like they got smaller. Oh, this was good but it could be better. Archer reached beside him and found the small bottle of hand cream he'd brought.

"You… have lube…?" Shirou sounded extremely confused as Archer coated his hand in the cream, using it to smooth the contact between them. "Why?"

"Mmm, I thought I might masturbate," Archer said candidly and was amused to see Shirou looking both aroused and appalled. "If you don't want an answer you shouldn't ask – " Shirou silenced him with a kiss, which was likely the course of wisdom.

As he stroked them together, Archer reflected on the odd differences between them. It made sense that he was more muscular, after the insanity he'd put himself through. The color differences could make sense. But how the hell had he gotten taller? Archer had no idea. Some kind of weird side-effect of all the magic he'd dosed himself with?

Any thought of that went by the wayside as Shirou moaned softly into his mouth, thrusting eagerly into his hand. Archer enjoyed the feeling of flesh rubbing against flesh, the delicious friction, but he wanted more. Ah yes he wanted so much more. Kissing the edge of Shirou's jaw he spoke in the younger man's ear.

"Do you want to take me again?" The shudder that ran through his younger self's body was more eloquent than words. "Prepare me," Archer murmured, nibbling along the edge of Shirou's jaw again. He could have done it himself but it would be so nice to feel another persons' fingers.

"Okay," Shirou said breathlessly before catching their lips together in another kiss. Archer savored it, even as Shirou coated his fingers in the cream. They parted, breathless, and Archer lifted his hips a bit so his younger self could more easily prepare him. Ah, yes, that felt good. Archer gasped softly as fingers slid into him, spreading the cream. "Is that okay? It doesn't hurt?" …Hehe.

"It feels good," Archer murmured, enjoying the sensation. Although. "If you find my prostate it would be even better." Archer gazed into Shirou's eyes, noticing again how they were the exact same shade as his own. The one thing to stay constant… then he groaned as fingers glided over that so sensitive spot. "Oh yes, there…" That felt incredible! Shirou was talented with his fingers and Archer surrendered himself to the bliss, murmuring soft praises for the pleasure he was experiencing. From the heavy breathing above him, Shirou found it highly arousing. Then that hand was pulled away and Shirou settled onto him, their lips meeting in another passionate kiss.

Then Shirou was entering his body and Archer moaned into his mouth as he was filled. After so long, so many lovers, it was easy to adjust. The innocent pleasure on Shirou's face was like a balm on his soul and Archer gently encouraged him, wrapping his legs around that lithe waist. Shirou was slighter but that was nice, they fit so well together.

"Archer…" Shirou breathed his name so intimately and a hand went through his hair, drawing him into another deep kiss. Archer savored the taste of his mouth, their tongues tangling together. God, he was delicious! Archer gasped into Shirou's mouth as the boys' cock rubbed over his prostate. The thrusts were slow and careful and Archer wondered if Shirou had researched this. And yet.

"You can go harder, I like that," Archer murmured in Shirou's ear. He had a masochistic streak, he would admit it. There was a sharp intake of breath and then Shirou speeded his thrusts. It did hurt a bit but in the very best of ways! Shirou's hand caressed his shaft before gently pumping him, stroking him in time with the thrusts. Archer shuddered, feeling the pleasure caressing his nerves. "Oh yes…" The thrusts were coming firmer, as Shirou's youthful excitement overwhelmed concern about hurting him. Archer was more than happy with that, running his hands over Shirou's shoulders, caressing his skin as he was filled so heavily.

Archer let his head fall back, gasping softly as he looked into Shirou's face. Golden brown eyes, precisely the same shade as his own, were wide and Shirou's expression was almost worshipping as he gazed down into Archer's face. Archer wondered what he was seeing. Then a particularly deft stroke wiped away any thought of that and Archer moaned, hearing Shirou's soft gasp.

"My god Archer you're so… amazing…" Amazing? Archer might have laughed but then his lips were caught again, plunging him into more passionate joy. The strokes on his cock were coming faster and Archer shuddered, wrapping his arms around Shirou's shoulders as he was brought closer and closer to orgasm. It felt absolutely incredible!

Shirou breathed sharply in his ear and that was Archer's only warning before his younger self bucked against him, a few sharp, erractic thrusts before he stiffened. The heat of the release inside him, the pulse of Shirou's member and the hand on his cock all brought him over the edge. Archer cried out, feeling the coil in his belly snap. Burying his face in Shirou's shoulder, Archer rode out the pulses of pleasure.

They were both left exhausted and panting. Archer closed his eyes for a moment, then open them as a hand gently stroked his cheek. Looking into Shirou's face Archer felt a twinge of guilt. Shirou was looking at him like he was precious again. It made his heart hurt.

"I'm not that special you know," Archer murmured, unable to keep the thought to himself. Shirou's eyes widened for a moment.

"You're incredible. I've never known anyone like you," Shirou said so sincerely that Archer had to laugh. Know anyone like him? He just had to know himself. Ah, god, he didn't even want to think about it. So instead he kissed Shirou thoroughly, tangling a hand through orange hair.

"While I wouldn't mind staying here, I don't feel the cold," Archer murmured in Shirou's ear and felt him shiver at the reminder. "Shall we go to your room?"

"Sure," Shirou said breathlessly and Archer could see the desire in his face, the cock inside him twitch. Another warm kiss and then his younger self pulled away, exiting his body. Archer considered the mess on himself before dismissing it as unimportant. He would just – "Here, use these?" Shirou was offering him tissues?

"Ah, thank you," Archer said before taking the Kleenex and wiping off the mess. Why did Shirou – oh, yes, he had a bit of a cold. Well this would be less embarrassing for his younger self than Archer's first thought, which was to just walk to his room naked. Rin and Saber were undoubtedly asleep.

Somewhat clean, Archer redonned his clothing, noticing Shirou watching him. He couldn't resist and gave his younger self a wicked smile. Shirou blinked before blushing and hurriedly pulling on his clothing. Ah, his younger self was so easy to tease. After all his experience Archer was nearly immune to embarrassment.

"My 'give a shit' circuits have been entirely burnt out," Archer murmured to himself. It was absolutely true, about things like modesty at least. A shame Japan didn't have any nude beaches. He'd really like to go to one. Amused by his own thoughts, Archer patiently waited for Shirou to finish dressing before starting out. Hmm, what should they do next? Archer's body tingled pleasantly as he considered it and he smiled to himself, glancing towards Shirou. What new things could he teach his younger self?

This would be a marvelous night.

* * *

Archer was dreaming lightly, having an interesting dream about chocolate cake. He was making the cake and tasting the batter. Shirou was there as well and his other self was helping him. Hmm, they should add chocolate chips to the batter? Oh yes they should that would be absolutely marvelous. Archer was aware he was dreaming but that didn't really matter as his mind conjured up the taste of chocolate perfectly.

"SHIROU!" His dream was annoyingly broken by a female voice. Archer groaned, rolling over just as the door opened. "Shirou, you need to… wake… up…" Archer frowned at the young girl in the doorway before realizing Shirou was hogging the blankets and in rolling away, he'd completely lost them.

"Miss Rin, has the art of knocking become a lost one?" Archer inquired as he grabbed a blanket and tried to pull it over his genitals. Shirou muttered sleepily and clutched the blankets tight. Rin squeaked, her eyes fixed on the part of him she'd never seen before. Archer growled softly and managed to snag a sheet, yanking it hard. When he had enough slack he draped it artistically over his privates.

"I, uh, what are you doing here Archer?" Rin asked, managing to recover her poise a bit. Archer arched his eyebrows.

"Is it not obvious?" he asked and had the pleasure of seeing Rin beginning to blush. Saber poked her head in after Rin and frowned at him for a moment, her gaze flicking to Shirou. Her frown deepened and Archer felt sure she would corner him later to ask about his intentions. For now, though, Saber vanished.

"Uh, Archer, gimme the blankets…" Shirou mumbled, trying to grab back the sheets. Archer was taken by surprise and the blanket slipped off again, exposing his glory to Rin. Rin suddenly squeaked and ran out, overcome by her embarrassment. Archer sighed in annoyance, pushing himself up.

"You'll likely regret that later," he told his younger self, who didn't hear, utterly cocooned in the blankets. All Archer could see was orange hair. "…Hmph." Archer's lips twitched in an unwilling smile. Then he leaned over and gently ruffled that orange hair. "I'll get you breakfast." He'd make an omelet. They had leftover miso soup and rice. Did they have any fish? He would have to check. Happily contemplating a bit of cooking, Archer stretched before getting out of bed and pulling on his clothes. As he did, he registered a deep feeling of contentment. Ah, it had been a long time since he'd felt so good. Archer knew it was a false pleasure, generated by something that shouldn't have happened in the first place. Yet for now, he would enjoy it.

It would end all too soon.


	3. Tentacles

Archer smiled to himself as he whisked together the base for a frittata.

 _This is going to be a marvelous breakfast,_ he thought before adding a handful of cheese to the eggs. The crust was browning on the stove, shredded potatoes with shallots, seasoned with salt and pepper. If only they had smoked salmon. Well, the asparagus would have to do.

Archer layered the blanched asparagus before pouring in the egg and cream mixture. Then he slid it into the oven. Soon it would be set and absolutely delicious. It didn't take long to make either, when you got the hang of it –

"We need to talk." Saber. Well, that was expected.

"What about?" Archer asked, turning away from the oven to see not just Saber but a very stern Rin staring at him. "Keeping in mind that Shirou might be waking up any minute." He likely only hadn't yet because Archer had kept him up rather late with their play.

"Why are you doing this?" Saber asked bluntly and Archer quirked an eyebrow at her as he went to make tea. "And pay attention!" …Hmph.

"I am fully capable of making tea while speaking, Saber. As for why I'm doing this, I find it amusing," Archer said as he measured the leaves. "Does there need to be more of a reason?"

"Archer, you don't understand, Shirou really likes you!" Rin said. Archer couldn't help it. He smiled, a small curve of his lips. Like him? That was just hilarious. Rin was continuing, though, and Archer was thankful he was facing away from her. She'd have noticed that smile. "You can't just use him like that!"

"Rin, I understand that Shirou is young and foolish but I do not see how he could misunderstand my intentions," Archer said evenly as he poured in the hot water. Perfect temperature yet again. "I am a Servant. I will only be here for the length of the Grail War. Our time together, while amusing, cannot lead to anything more permanent." Saber nodded reluctantly but Rin had another objection.

"I don't understand how you can be doing that with Shirou. It's just, eww!" Eww? "Seriously, it's gross! Just thinking of the two of you… ugh! You're so old and he's such a kid!" Old? Was she referring to his immortal nature or his hair color? Archer knew he didn't really look old so that was odd. Shirou was quite a kid though. "Seriously, that must be the strangest thing you've ever done!"

"Miss Rin, making love to Shirou is definitely not the strangest thing I've ever done," Archer said absently as he checked the time. A bit longer. Rin scowled at him.

"What is the strangest thing you've ever done then? I mean, sexually?" Rin asked and Archer paused, suddenly losing his focus on the conversation and the frittata in the oven. The strangest thing he'd ever…?

 _Warmth enfolding him. Bright purple tentacles sliding over his body. Trying to grab them and pull them away but it's futile, futile and they are playing with him oh god and he can feel the overarching intelligence burrowing into his mind like a maggot but only to amplify the feelings like an endless series of mirrors until he feels like his mind might crack from the pleasure so intense it's a form of torture –_

"Archer?" Archer blinked as he saw Saber in front of him. When had she moved? And Rin seemed concerned, staring at him with wide eyes. "Archer, can you hear me?"

"Of course I can hear you," Archer said, wondering why in hell she'd be asking.

"Archer, you spaced out for almost five minutes!" Rin said and Archer blinked. "I just asked you about your weirdest sexual experience – "

 _Pulsing warmth, flexible, wrapping him completely now. The purple seems to form faces now, women and men he had known, pleasure unbearable yet he must bear it because he is a Counter-Guardian and has no refuge in insanity –_

"ARCHER!" Archer blinked as he was roughly shaken. Rin was looking afraid? How peculiar. "Stop doing that! It's insanely creepy! And don't tell me why you're doing that, EVER!"

"…I… won't…" What had he even been thinking of? Then he glanced at the time and lost any concern of that. "The frittata!" It was overbaked! Quickly opening the oven he pulled it out, cursing softly. "How did that happen?" He'd meant to be so careful! Shirou came into the room, rubbing a bit of sleep out of his eyes.

"What's going on? Oh, did I sleep in?" He squinted at the clock as Archer cut into the food. Hmm… at least it wasn't burnt. It was drier than he would have liked. Sighing, he began to plate it.

"Yes, and somehow I overcooked the frittata. What were you saying Rin?" Something about… something about… Archer frowned as his mind came up blank.

"I was – MPH!" He and Shirou both stared as Saber slapped a hand over Rin's mouth.

"Don't say it. It's clearly some kind of trigger," she warned and Archer blinked. Trigger? "Archer, you cannot remember anything?"

"Remember anything? Can all of you try to speak sense?" Archer said irritably. This was getting very annoying. "I just can't recall what Rin was saying. I suppose it was unimportant." Rin got away from Saber's hand and spoke.

"Unimportant?! I wanted to know your weirdest sexual experience!" Archer froze and this time, his mind did not fully retreat from the question. Although he almost wished it had as he clearly remembered the past.

"…Tentacles." He heard himself say as everyone stared at him. Rin and Shirou were shocked while Saber was grim. Of course she'd realized it had to be something grotesquely exotic. "So many… tentacles…" Nausea suddenly overcame him and Archer was glad he hadn't eaten any food. He lunged to the wastebasket and just barely managed to get it open before vomiting into it.

 _Seal it away. Compartmentalize it. You can do it._ Archer repeated the thought over and over, a mantra, as he activated his mage circuits. This was something he'd learned while alive, a way to temporarily seal away a traumatic event in favor of survival. Of course, it was supposed to be _temporary._ Trying to maintain it indefinitely was foolish because the trauma would leak past the seal, affecting performance and personality as the unresolved issues festered. However, Archer had tried to resolve this many times and it was simply impossible. The only thing to do was seal it away, lock the trauma into a small portion of his mind that wouldn't… wouldn't…

Archer blinked, wiping his mouth as he looked at the wastebasket. Then he realized there was a warm hand on his back and turned to see Shirou's concerned eyes.

"That's strange. Why was I thinking about trauma management?" Archer asked, feeling oddly disconnected. Shirou swallowed before smiling at him. It seemed strangely forced. "…I should clean this up." The wastebasket had a plastic bag, fortunately, but the smell was nipping at his nostrils, acrid and foul. Archer began pulling out the bag but then Shirou's hands on his stopped him.

"I can get it. Why don't you finish getting breakfast out?" Shirou suggested and Archer hesitated before nodding. If Shirou wanted to clean up his puke, he wasn't going to argue. Although what had made him do that? He hadn't taken an injury and most other causes of nausea, like bad food, couldn't affect a Counter Guardian. A bit mystified at himself, Archer got out the plates as Shirou took out the garbage. Saber and Rin were conversing quietly, he noticed.

"Um, let's have some tea!" Rin's cheer was rather forced and Archer frowned at her as he put at the plates and utensils.

"What were we discussing? I'm afraid I have forgotten," Archer said, realizing as he did that his recent memory felt oddly patchy. Yet, it wasn't alarming, just mildly annoying.

"Nothing important. You said this is a frittata? I have never had that before, what is it?" Saber asked and Archer began detailing the nature of a frittata. Shirou soon came back and they all dug in. It was definitely a little overbaked, not as custardy as it should have been, but the cheese helped make up for that. Overall, Archer was pleased with it. Everyone was acting a bit oddly at first but that soon smoothed out and he felt no desire to question it. In fact, everything inclined him to just completely forget about it.

Sometimes, ignorance was bliss.

* * *

 _I am a sick man and I'd be going to Hell if I weren't there already,_ Archer thought as he gazed over a completely helpless Shirou, lying on red cushions with gold tassles.

"Archer, this is embarrassing..." Shirou wiggled, trying to find slack in the red silk cords. There was some, Archer wanted the bondage to be comfortable, but not much. Archer chuckled softly, running his hands over pale skin. Shirou shivered a little at his touch.

"You are beautiful like this," Archer said warmly, drinking in the sight. Shirou's arms were tied behind his back with red cords, which also wound around his body in artistic ways. Bondage for pleasure, it would not be easy for Shirou to free himself but it would be possible, given time and a bit of willingness to lose skin. Not that Archer would force his younger self to do such a thing.

"I don't know why I'm the one tied up!" Shirou growled but it was weak as Archer knelt over top of him, running his hands up Shirou's sides. His younger self drew in a sharp breath as Archer slowly licked his spine, up to the nape of his neck. Then Archer gently bit his throat, mouthing the skin and feeling the quick pulse beneath his lips.

"Mmm… believe me, if we'd done it the other way you would be more embarrassed," Archer said and Shirou looked over his shoulder, his eyes wide and confused. Archer smiled in fond remembrance. "Picture yourself… holding a diagram as you sit beside my half-tied body… knowing you've done something wrong and desperately trying to figure it out as I do my best not to laugh at you…" That was exactly how the first time for him had gone. His partner had been… what had her name been? God, so long ago. But she'd been shaking with silent laughter as he tried desperately to figure it out. Shirou blinked at the image.

"Oh… um. That would happen wouldn't it," he muttered, a blush coloring his cheeks. Archer found it charming. Settling in against Shirou's back, Archer began to gently tease him. Shirou couldn't move, just experience it as tanned fingers skimmed over pale skin. After long minutes of soft gasps and moans, Archer's lips on Shirou's throat, his hands roaming that body, Archer spoke in Shirou's ear.

"You're certain about this?" Archer was concerned about it, he would not lie. His memories on the matter were unfortunately clear and Archer knew he hadn't enjoyed his first time as the receiver. Although in retrospect, Archer knew he'd been a fool to let Shinji take his anal virginity. Wakame likely hadn't known any more than he had but of course Shinji couldn't admit it and he'd hurt Shirou in his ignorance.

"Yeah, I trust you," Shirou's voice was breathless and Archer pressed a kiss against his shoulder, reminding himself that he was not Shinji. He knew what to do, how to take care of his partner. Covering his fingers in heavy lube, Archer began to gently slide a finger inside Shirou. At Shirou's soft hiss he paused, gently rubbing the small of Shirou's back as he began carefully massaging inside him. "Feels weird…" Shirou muttered and Archer chuckled softly.

"Yes, it would." It was hardly something they were designed to do. Archer took his time, using just that single finger, searching for Shirou's prostate. He knew when he found it, the boy yanked a bit at his bonds before making a soft, sweet groan. Archer smiled, lovingly stroking that spot. A light sweat suddenly broke out on Shirou's body, making him look absolutely delicious.

Archer shifted his legs, aware of his own erection. Shirou was beautifully on display in front of him, reacting in a way that would have aroused a god. Schooling himself to patience, Archer gently introduced a second finger. Shirou shuddered and Archer felt those warm insides gripping his fingers tightly. How would it feel when he had his cock in there?

"Warn me if it's too much," Archer murmured, gently rubbing Shirou's back again. Shirou nodded, a touch jerkily. "Now…" Archer introduced a third finger. Shirou jerked against his bonds, eyes wide.

" _Ah…_ Archer…!" Shirou gasped and Archer paused, looking at him in concern. "No… keep… going…" Mmm hmm. Archer's lips curved into a pleased smile before he gently kissed Shirou's shoulder. Of course his past self would not be deterred by a little pain.

Archer took his time, making sure there was plenty of lube and stretching. When he was satisfied that Shirou was ready, Archer gently tugged Shirou up. His legs were unbound and Shirou easily took the hint, taking his weight on his knees. Then Archer began to seat himself. It was incredibly hot and tight, not surprising for Shirou's first time.

"Archer… oh god…" The sound of Shirou's voice, full of desire, made him want to shove in up to the hilt. But Archer took his time, sliding in carefully and letting his partner get accustomed to being filled. "Uh… feels good…" Shirou's soft moan made more blood flow to his cock and Archer gasped, unable to stop himself. He abruptly finished the motion, filling Shirou completely with a quick jerk of his hips. Shirou's gasp was a beautiful sound. Then Archer lowered his head, mouthing the red cords before taking one in his mouth and giving a gentle tug. The way they were positioned meant that would rub them against Shirou's nipples, a useful little feature.

"Ah, Archer…" Shirou sounded like he was losing his mind and truthfully, Archer wasn't far behind. Lost in the pleasure, he rested his forehead against Shirou's shoulder as he began taking the boy, moving slowly and carefully. It was so hard to control himself, so very hard! "You can… go faster… uh…" Well, if he didn't mind…

Archer speeded his thrusts a bit, holding Shirou's hips with a firm but gentle grip. The way those grasping walls caressed his shaft was absolute bliss and Archer kissed the back of Shirou's neck before licking the skin, tasting the hint of salt. Shirou shuddered, turning his head and Archer obeyed the unspoken request, kissing him deeply. His lips were as sweet as the rest of him and Archer felt like he was drowning in the sensations.

Tiny droplets of sweat beaded Shirou's body, dampening the cords and to Archer's eyes, nothing had ever been more lovely. He played with the cords a bit more as he took his younger self, savoring the tight heat around his member. This experience was… incomparable…

"Archer, I, uh, I'm going to…" Shirou's gasping words hit him hard and Archer shuddered as he felt his control fraying, his orgasm quickly approaching.

"Good, I want to see you cum," Archer breathed and that was the end for Shirou. His younger self tensed sharply and Archer gasped as those walls quivered and jerked around him. He spent himself just a moment later, burying his face in Shirou's hair, breathing in his scent. It was an intensely pleasurable moment and Archer vaguely wished it could last forever.

It couldn't, of course, but the aftermath was just as pleasant. Breathing heavily, Archer came down from his high, realizing he had all his weight resting on Shirou. Quickly taking his weight on his hands, he lingered pleasantly within his younger self for a moment. Then Archer carefully pulled away, smiling as he looked at Shirou. He looked particularly appealing, disheveled, covered in sweat and still tied with red cords.

"Oh that was good. But Archer, can you take these off?" Shirou said plaintively, tugging on his bonds. Archer chuckled softly before finding the right spot in the cords. A quick tug and they came undone, loosening and falling away. "Hey, how'd you do that?" Shirou asked and Archer shrugged.

"They're meant to come off that way," he answered as Shirou rolled to the side, brushing away the remaining cords. Shirou smiled then and it was open and innocent, brightening his eyes. Archer's breath caught in his throat and he vaguely wondered how long it had been since he'd smiled like that. He was sure he'd once had that smile but it had faded, so long ago, into sarcasm and bitterness. It made his heart hurt to think of it.

"Will you stay?" Shirou's wistful voice recalled him to the present and Archer hesitated for the briefest of moments before brushing a kiss on his younger self's forehead.

"Of course," Archer murmured before settling into the cushions. Shirou snuggled up to him, resting his head against his chest. Archer looked down at that orange hair, gently stroking it before rubbing the back of Shirou's neck. So trusting and innocent, unaware that Archer could so easily break his neck. It would be a simple flick of the wrist. It made Archer's heart hurt, seeing himself before the sins of the world had soiled and broken him.

 _It would be kinder to kill him,_ Archer closed his eyes, resting a kiss on that orange head. Shirou mumbled something before settling in more firmly. _Before he can become the twisted thing I have become._ It hurt, so very much, but it also felt painfully true.

It would be kinder to kill Shirou before he could foolishly sell his soul.


End file.
